| Meh. |
[Jun. 10th, 2008|05:35 pm] |
Down down down down down. And more down. That is all.
aj x |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2006|06:22 pm] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
Last Wednesday I ruled Duluth, Minnesota as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). In September ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) likeneontubing and I robbed a bank (-50 points). Last Monday I broke venussuperfly's X-Box (-12 points). In June I helped litany hide a body (-173 points). Last Tuesday I turned siren_rose in for tearing the tag off a mattress (3 points).
Overall, I've been nice (468 points). For Christmas I deserve a Lego set!
Sincerely,
ajmonkeyboy |
There's a bit in there that had me chortling merrily to myself. |
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| Arumba! Da dummm Dumm dummmm! |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|07:17 am] |
Get the impression I should really update this. What with people calling me random nobhead and dick and so forth..... ;)
Actually, not much to update. Having second thoughts about an email I sent to the Office and whole Bingo team while drunk thou... Hold on...
Trish says:
Hi
I am finding myself becoming a litle bit annoyed with our ''stalkers'' who constantly ask us every 5 minutes for a quiz.
You see them going from room to room looking for a quiz as running out of money.
I got asked today at 4.05pm.. i started at 4pm then have been asked every 10 mins by the same person following me, its now getting to the stage where its harrassing for us cms by certain players, and at times interupting a room full of chat.
They asking us what time what room etc, at first were fun but with these players its spoiling it and now a chore and dread seeing there names pop up in rooms!
Any ideas what to say to them to put it gently to back off as getting on cms nerves constantly harrassing us??
Trish xx
Jane replies...
Here here, I say ban them all. Even while I'm doing a quiz I get harrassed by them, and clh in particular gets very unpleasant if she isn't getting the quid she thinks she deserves from each cm.
Jane
I couldn't resist.
Hear hear. I wish I had some constructive criticism, but I don't. I just have a list of players that I want to hunt down and kill with rifles. And not just small bore. A big fuck-off elephant gun which would leave little tatters of membrane all over the bingo boards.
In fact, I'd probably go so far as to write "QUIZ WHORE" in big letters through the congealing remains. And then use the goo that is smeared across my fingers to write "Muhahahaha." across the decaying bodies.
Then I shall pee on them.
I followed up with an email...
"And then point and laugh."
If I'm still in a job, I'll tell you how it pans out.
Anyway, lemme think. Trying to do a quickie cos is 06.13 in the morning and I want to get to bed. And our James is getting ready for work Hahahah. Let's see...
Had a lock in in the Borough with Grant and Spanky tonight. Massive Fanny Gaz was going to come, but Thank God didn't. Um, won Buskers a while ago, shaky knees and all. And have just learned It Must Be Love by Madness on Piahhhhno. The start anyway. Impressed my Ma no end hehe. Can't think of much else....
OH.
Apart from -
If you want me to talk to you, try not to abuse me randomly at 2 in the morning. That is all. ;-)
aj x
EDIT:
Was out with big Kev Thongor in Pure. He strippped to the waist and sang. Twas most **insert word** |
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| Manbot |
[Sep. 3rd, 2006|03:48 pm] |
Haven't been able to log in for the last few days due to the kindly people at LJ thinking I am a Bot. Now, I may be a bot in the conventional sense, but not in the way of trawling t'net. So anyway, sent an email and they were very happy to reinstate me as a normal human bean and not a cyborg killing machine.
Word.
aj x |
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| Couple of things... |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|12:15 am] |
Heyho my leetle multicheerios.
Just a few unconnected and random things masquerading as an LJ post. Let's get holistic on this shit. Shabba.
Lemme think. Right, revision to the Bumsex scale. Officially voted on and accepted by the founder members of the Andy's Bum Sex Club:
The Bumsex Scale
No. Vodka Shots Name
0 - Andy's Virgin Bumsex
1 - Andy's Rimjob
2 - Andy's Bumsex (the original and best bumsex)
3 - Andy's Anal Rape
4 - Andy's Anal Fissure
5+ - Andy's Rectal Prolapse
Now that that's official, what else...
Oh aye, went to the casino and won £120 on blackjack with which I have cleared outstanding debts to people. And this morning my payslip came through the door which means that this is the first time in months that I don't have to shell out to anyone from my wages. Oh happy days.
Thirdly..
I had a third. Oh aye, came across this and it still has me wetting myself laughing:
"Children's entertainer Wee Jimmy Krankie has been taken to hospital with head injuries after falling 10ft off a pantomime beanstalk in Glasgow."
Oh how I laughed.
Night night sweetums. Off to make sponge cakes and ravish Queen Victoria.
aj x |
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| Oooops |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|06:05 pm] |
Just realised that I kinda dropped off the face off the earth for a while... lol. Have been working and a little off, so I'm still alive but Bingo mad. Love you all and am missing parties.:(
Shabba.
aj x |
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| Interesting Survey Site deely |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|12:15 am] |
Sends you emails of surveys and pay you 50p/£1 each one. Get to £50 and you can withdraw it by cheque. Canny. I'm upto a fiver already hehe.
www.yougov.com
You get entered into prize draws n'all. Tiny bit cash for nowt really. They email you the surveys you are elegible for so you don't have to keep checking.
aj x |
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| Reet let's see... |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|03:50 pm] |
Quick update I think.
Got a letter today from the compensation company saying that they've reviewed ny case and my injuries weren't bad enough for me to claim. Which is fair enough as I'd forgotten about it anyway. May appeal, may not - I'll have a word with wor Father.
Pissing down with rain, which better clear up for the weekend as am off up to The Cottage of Rock with the lads for a pissup, a barbecue and to shoot things. Should be fun.
Urrrrm... Ooo, have been doing exercise! As anyone who's talked to me in the last week will know as haven't stopped bleating on about it...:D Bearing in mind I haven't done owt for 6 years, I'm quite enjoying it, weights and wotnot. Ho hum, it passes the time. Can't think of much else...
aj x |
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| Oh no. |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|02:56 pm] |
What shall I do? I just got myself banned from the Sunderland Message Board. Fuck, now how will I fill up the hours...
Didn't even have the good grace to use correct grammar...
aj x |
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| So anyway |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|01:45 am] |
Add's something to me CV - should it all work out anyway. "Andy Wake - prize-winning author and published poet."
Hehe - the "prize-winning author" by the way is a short story competition I won when I was 16. £500 prize thankenyew.:D
Anyhoo, just hovering after a night in the Rosie. Drinking some wine that me Mam had in the fridge (truly horrendous, by the way).
I have to work tomorrow but feel I have squandered my house freedom. Therefore have Josh Rouse on loud at nearly 2 in the morning, am smoking a tab indoors and am being of a reflective frame of mind.
Was a bit worried about the offer to be published, but thinking about it they would have had thousands of entries, and not all of them can fit into a book. So there must have been some discerning and not just random cack... Maybe. Lol.:D
Anyway, I'll see what happens.
aj x
***SHIT***
Rested me tab on me mobile while I was typing this. I've burnt it. Bassa better not die.
aj x 2 |
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| Had a letter... |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|01:38 am] |
"Dear Mr Wake,
You didn't win through to the National Poetry Anthology 2007, but we had many thousands of entries, so don't be too disappointed.
However, you'll be delighted to know that we want to publish one of your poems in a book which we are working on right now. It will be ready for printing soon.
Your work certainly should have this chance to go into publication and we want to put the name of Andy Wake into print.
We want to add "His Last Orders" to a brand new book called "Flight of Fancy". It is a showcase of the best work of a group of poets and can be ordered at all good bookshops."
Don't have to buy one, I get the chance to check it's there...
Methinks "ok".
aj x |
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| Star Boy |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|08:07 am] |
Reet.
As you may know, I have shaved me nut. Now, this has thrown up some melanin inequalities on me heed i.e. there's freckles and moles. Now, being of a curious frame of mind, I got the Keef to map them out for me...
So, here is the A4, wee version I got...
Now, unnervingly as fuck... I checked this against a starchart. In Scorpius too.(Being, as I am, a Scorpio...)
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
(It's Orion the Hunter, by the way.)
aj x |
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| DD Baby. |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|02:05 am] |
Arrrrrgh - where'd this come from? Bloody parents, that's what. Having a go at me yesterday and today for no reason and they've triggered off a nasty bout of the old "D". Not so much a "sad" attack as a "fucking livid" attack. So if I'm quiet for a few (more) days you know why... lol. Didn't even go out tonight. Dad offered me some money but I was fucking mad as fuck so just stormed off upstairs. They always try to buy me off when they know they're in the wrong - a la the jeans my Mam tried to buy me last time. How about "sorry" for a change? I don't think I've ever heard the word pass their fucking lips.
Started Sunday night - was knackered and fractious anyway but I popped in the room and, being skint because off the new wage structure, I asked if I could pop to the pub on Monday.
What followed can only be described as a concerted effort to decompile my character into it's component flaws, Mam starting off by saying "well, if you don't have the money you can't go out" (fine, btw - what pissed off was the way she said it), then my Dad jumped into a circuitous but no doubt gratifying examination of my daily routine. Stormed out - went back in later to explain I was fucking pissed off and he did it again. Afterwards turned the subject to football just for a quiet life and let it go.
Then spent all today (Monday) tidying and washing up, so I didn't have time to grab any scran. Mam comes in and I ask as I'm finishing the dishes if she was making any food as I hadn't had time to grab any.
"Who's fault is that?"
Yer fucking what?? I meant if you weren't making any I'd get some myself, no need for that. Anyway I shouted at her she shouted back... Then started being nice.(my Dad was also being overly nice today - a sure sign he knew he was in the wrong.) Anyway, it started off the old "D" and I went upstairs. Then I got a text off Dad asking if I'd come down to see him but I ignored it. Then Steve phoned and asked if I was out and I said I was skint and Mam piped up "Dad's got some money for you" which I also ignored and went back upstairs. I mean honestly.
So now I'm in for a good few days of being on the verge of fucking tears and stopping upstairs feeling sorry for myself all because they seem to find it sporting to make me work for £20.
Ask for £20 -> Am made to feel shit -> Make an effort for peace -> Am made to feel shit -> Am offered £20 to go out with as a goodwill gesture.
*sigh*
Fuck sake, a simple "no" would suffice, I'm not a cunt.
Oh, and my sister was being overly nice to me so I snapped at her. Go me.
Anyway, rant over.
On the plus side, I caught the last part of Most Haunted Live and a new series starts tomorrow.
Naw, sorry. Am absolutely furious still. *growl*
aj x |
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| Hmm lemme see. |
[Jun. 23rd, 2006|04:59 pm] |
Just a quick update...
*thinks*
Monday: Went out as per with our Becci and big Danny. Got pissed as per. Woke up with the most astounding hangover known to man, involving immense pain and throwing up. Now, I'm used to me hangvers but this wasn't right as it lasted 3 days and our Becci was the same - so we reckon we got a nice dose of line cleaner at some point. Urrrrrgh.
Tuesday: Most horrific dyings and wailings. Also had a shift extra which mysteriously I didnt have when I signed on to do it, the cunts. Went in a strop and forwarded them an official complaint. Rargh! However, was secretly pleased as felt like my insides had turned to gooey frothiness.
Wednesday: Yes but no but yes but no but yes but... Nur. bed. Fuck going out. However, wind was buffetting my window like a bastard. (Also blew open my loft door, much to my consternation i.e., I nearly shat myself lifeless.) I heard a miaow too, which didn't help. Anyway, I got up and finished me per-arr-tree and posted it off. Fuck it:D
Thursday: Decided to go out for a couple beers and ended up doon le toon. Trophy Ale is the bomb by the way, me and Wilson (a man of cynical nature) both agree that it has set the bar for the standard of ales. However, we wish to retry Firestoker as it has a certain place in our hearts. Nowt much, town's crap on Thursday - full of emo-hoolies and fights. Went Jodie's after like,. made a bloody racket, smoked her tabs and drank her wine and cider (much thankenyew dear:D) and then sat up chatting to Carl until some ungodly hour... 9 in the morning. Shabba. Twas cool.
On another note, we have inherited a pigeon.
Some homing pigeon has landed in our back yard and seems ill-disposed to leave, happilly roosting on the roof at night and being tame as owt. Quite sweet really, my Granda feeds it and it comes waddling over to him when he goes out. My baby cousin got to the naming of him first though, settling bizarrely on "Walter".
I wanted Colonel Sanders.
aj x |
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| One More. |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|03:31 am] |
The Greatest Thing EVER:
aj x |
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| Another update |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|03:19 am] |
Like buses innit? You can tell I don't want to get up for work today.
Apparently, going around NY at the moment. 1st is a girl's apology email
for cheating on some bloke. 2nd is his reply which was Bcc'd to his
entire address book.
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or
anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us
had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you
being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly
words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking
that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just
went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny
yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I
can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you
meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know
that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is
something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I
can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to
say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn't reflect that, and
you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate
feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I
am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what
happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just
about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there
with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in
the world to rewind and fix it.
I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you
won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for
getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at
your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be
great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel
like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was
not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really
don't think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for
"Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to
carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of
whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes
while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you
ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is
grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k
him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care
less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world
revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly
Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to
consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news
for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they
just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who
commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I
could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes
out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else
in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who
decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut
is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good
thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young
lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday,
we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
Legend.
aj x |
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| Nicked from... Oooo, lots of people. |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|02:48 am] |
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Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me - it can only be one word long. Then copy and paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you! |
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| Viva la... |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|01:49 am] |
What obsolete skill are you?
You are 'French'. In the nineteenth century, it was the international language of diplomacy. It is a 'beautiful' language, meaning that it is really just a low-fidelity copy of Latin.You know the importance of communicating 'diplomatically', which for you means both being polite and friendly when necessary and using sophisticated, vicious sarcasm when appropriate. Your life is guided by either existentialism or nihilism, depending on the weather. You have a certain appreciation for the finer things in life, which is a diplomatic way of saying that you are a disgusting hedonist. Your problem is that French has been obsolete for a long time.
Take this quiz!
Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code
aj x |
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| Blurgh etc. |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|02:26 am] |
Ugh ugh ugh. Trying to kick the remnants of afternoon beer out of my system. The horror. Don't know what's worse - the inability to sleep, the post-drinking depression or the fact that I've got heartburn that would make an enraged yak go "Oooo...".
*stomps around*
May - just may - go look at porn.
Anyway, the Rosedene was canny - me and Wilson quietly bitching at all the part-time drinkers who seem to crawl out of the woodwork on special occasions and have no concept of bar ettiquette. Berk pushed in front of us at the bar, ordered a drink and then asked if we were next, apologising. Waved it away, only to round the bar and find that the prized CUNT had taken up the prime (and last) seating position in front of the plasma telly.
Anyway, we sat outside for a while and discussed options (get beer, go round his), Mormons, tabernacles, nostalgia, usual. Then some old biddies moved from a respectable viewing table and we surged forth like demons from Hades in t-shirts.
Watched match, had 4 pints, went home. Slept.
Urrrrgh. Heartburn.
Porn is the cure.
aj x |
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